Glaciers move faster than this relationship . . .

So I’ve been seeing this guy for a year. In that time, we’ve progressed from 1-2 emails per week and lunch/movie on Saturday to … 1-2 emails per week plus lunch/movie on Saturday. My birthday was last week. All I got was an email afterthought - at the end of the email, “hope you’re having a good birthday.” He’s nice. I like him. I enjoy the time we do spend together, and it’s nice to have someone buy me lunch and take me to a movie every week. But in that time, he’s never reached for my hand and when I told him he was allowed to kiss me, he blushed and stammered. All that to say - if you happen to run into Gerard Butler, Karl Urban, Richard Armitage, Michael Fassbender, Joe Manganiello, or Jeremy Renner, or even a nice normal guy who’s not so damn shy that he can’t even take my hand, please feel free to send him my way. He must be willing to overlook the facts that I’m still working on my weight issue, probably can’t have children, and won’t give up my cats - which, now that I think about it, are probably the reasons I’m still single. *sigh*

A Bit of Poetry

OK, so today is National Poetry Day in the UK. This year’s theme is stars.

However, since I don’t live in the UK, I’m going to post a poem with my own theme. I’m an American rebel that way. :-) This poem is dedicated to all the people who are in love with people who don’t know they exist. It is, after all, a love offering from a fangirl.

YOU

You don’t know me
You’ve never seen me
If we met on the street 
You wouldn’t know to greet me
You’ve never heard my voice
Never felt my touch
So how is it possible 
I could love you so much?

You don’t know this
But you go everywhere with me
I talk to you constantly
You’re beside me in the car
And walking down the street
And when I crawl into my cold bed
The pillow becomes your shoulder
I can feel your arms around me
And your warmth lulls me to sleep
Your breath on my skin
Your voice in my head

You don’t know me
If you knew how you haunt me
You’d be wary of me
There’s no need to be
I will never tell you how I feel
Never take that chance
My soul would wither
Shrivel and waste away
If I looked into your eyes
And saw nothing

You don’t want me
How could you possibly
Leave me my dreams
They’re all I have of you
And more than you have of me
I will leave you in peace
Leave you to your own dreams
I wish that you would dream of me
But you don’t know me

(c) 2002 Erin M. Allen

Real Man, Real Genius

So I was rewriting my List of Necessary Attributes in a Man, as you do when you suffer from POMS,* and I realized that all these years, I've left out one very necessary attribute: The ability to quote the movie Real Genius at appropriate moments. If the following conversation occurs, then I've finally met The One:

He: If there's ever anything I can do for you, or more to the point, to you, just let me know.
Me: Can you hammer a nail through a six-inch board with your penis?
He: Not right now.
Me: A girl's gotta have her standards.

You see, a man who can go through that entire scene with the right attitude - well, that right there is what we Texas girls call A Keeper.









*Permanent Old Maid Syndrome. POMS is an all-too-common condition that strikes a woman who has reached the age of 35 without ever being married. It consists of three or more of the following symptoms:

- A plenitude of cats;
- A lack of a social life ("social life" here defined as three or more non-work-related outings with other human beings per week and/or at least two romantic outings per week);
- Thorough knowledge of Doctor Who, the works of Jane Austen, and/or the works of Charlotte Bronte;
- Virginity, whether actual or technical;
- An inability to compromise social or moral standards for the sake of marital status;
- An inability to disguise or abandon intellect for the sake of marital status; and
- The ability to establish and maintain self-identity without the approval of others.

POMS can only be self-diagnosed. It can never be diagnosed for another woman, and it never occurs prior to the age of 35, but its onset can be later in life.