Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Cogitating on a Conundrum

Sometimes I wonder if part of the reason I'm still single is a giant disconnect in my brain.

Because I genuinely am not acquainted with any straight single men who are potential mates, I have occasionally tried the online dating thing. It usually (and is in the process now) ends with a sigh of disgust because the only men who try to contact me are not appealing, and the appealing men ignore me.

Now, I do understand why this happens. Men see the fat middle-aged woman I am now:

I get that. It's fair. This is the body I inhabit now. I also understand that men are visual. They're just wired that way. 

But in my head ... oh, in my head I'm still the pretty girl. The one that guys in shops would race to serve. The one who didn't mind photographs. The one who, on a memorable occasion, a guy nearly wrecked his car because he was staring at her. (I'm not making this up. I have witnesses.)

And THAT girl isn't ready to settle for the men who are willing to settle for the fat woman.  That girl still thinks she can land a man who gets her motor revving.  A man with ambition and drive. A man who loves to laugh but knows how to be serious. A man who is young at heart, and, yes, is physically appealing. 

It's hard to accept reality when in my head I'm still the girl who stops traffic: