God, guilt, and shame

Do you ever notice how sometimes you read something from one source and then something from another source, and the two pieces of information synthesize in your head to form a connection you hadn't noticed before?

Just now, I was in the process of my morning self-improvement routine and this happened, and I want to share my minor epiphany with you.

He Loves Me! Learning to Live in the Father's Affection is a book that has significantly reshaped the way I perceive God's regard for me, and I highly recommend it.  The premise is that Christians have seriously misconstrued God's intent and love for us, and that in order to understand fully what He has done, is doing, and will continue to do for us, we must repudiate a performance-based idea of our relationship with Him. The sentence that caught my attention this morning is as follows:

If we define God only in our limited interpretation of our own circumstances, we will never discover who he really is.

I copied this sentence into my diary for further mulling over, and went on to checking my email. There was a message from Gene Monterastelli. Mr. Monterastelli is a practitioner of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), which uses acupressure principles to direct and control change in your attitudes and actions. This is a very useful technique, although no one really understands how it works.

But I digress. The point is that the title of this morning's newsletter is "The Inconvenient Truth About Shame and Guilt." If you, like me, have a working conscience and are aware of how short you fall from the ideal standards of conduct, this title probably grabs your attention like it grabbed mine. So I clicked the link to this article. Here are the relevant statements:

"When you feel guilty about something, you are holding the other person in a victim state."

When I think I have done you wrong, not only does my guilt impact the way I see myself, but it also impacts the way I see you, and therefore the way I interact with you.

When I feel like I have hurt you, I will call you less, be hesitant in your presence, and be reluctant to spend time with you.

With an almost audible "click" in my head, the two concepts merged and I realized:  This is true not only of human relationships, but also of our relationship with God!

When I am very conscious of my sinful nature, I feel shame and guilt and do not feel that I can approach God with the bold confidence of His child (Hebrews 4:16). When, out of shame, we hesitate to pray, open the Bible, or in some way seek God's face, we both hold back our own development and growth AND grieve our loving Father, who desires an intimate relationship with us. It feels odd to think of it as holding God in a victim status, but it is a useful analogy, in that our reluctance to pursue a relationship with Him grieves Him as much as it is detrimental to our own emotional and spiritual states.

So there's the problem: Guilt and shame prevent us from experiencing the full joy of an intimate relationship with our loving Father and God, and retard our own spiritual and emotional maturity.

What's the solution? I see several parts:

1. 1 John 1:9 promises that if we confess our sin to God, He will immediately forgive and restore us to fellowship. Confession is not complicated. It merely consists of telling God that what you did, said, or thought was a violation of His perfect standard.

2. If you have wronged someone, apologize. That clears the air between you and permits resumption of the relationship.

However, confession and apology, while removing the fact of guilt, do not always remove the feeling of guilt or shame. So how do we deal with that?

3. Use tools such as Bible study, therapy, "acting as if," and EFT.

Some Christians take the attitude that psychological tools are not valid; however, God created the human psyche and permitted us to discover certain principles and tools that work regardless of faith. I believe that both therapy and EFT are tools like this that should be available for everyone's use. Click the link above about Gene Monterastelli to explore his website and learn about EFT. I encourage you to try it. You'll be amazed at how well it works to help remove negative emotions that are otherwise entrenched in your heart.

Once we can remove the emotions of guilt and shame from the equation, a more intimate and fulfilling relationship with a loving God can be discovered. And really, isn't that a desirable outcome?

 

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I bind unto myself today
The strong Name of the Trinity,
By invocation of the same,
The Three in One and One in Three.
I bind this day to me for ever.

By power of faith, Christ's incarnation;
His baptism in the Jordan river;
His death on Cross for my salvation;
His bursting from the spicèd tomb;
His riding up the heavenly way;
His coming at the day of doom;
I bind unto myself today.

I bind unto myself the power
Of the great love of the cherubim;
The sweet 'well done' in judgment hour,
The service of the seraphim,
Confessors' faith, Apostles' word,
The Patriarchs' prayers, the Prophets' scrolls,
All good deeds done unto the Lord,
And purity of virgin souls.

I bind unto myself today
The virtues of the starlit heaven,
The glorious sun's life-giving ray,
The whiteness of the moon at even,
The flashing of the lightning free,
The whirling wind's tempestuous shocks,
The stable earth, the deep salt sea,
Around the old eternal rocks.

I bind unto myself today
The power of God to hold and lead,
His eye to watch, His might to stay,
His ear to hearken to my need.

The wisdom of my God to teach,
His hand to guide,
His shield to ward,
The word of God to give me speech,
His heavenly host to be my guard.

Against the demon snares of sin,
The vice that gives temptation force,
The natural lusts that war within,
The hostile men that mar my course;
Or few or many, far or nigh,
In every place and in all hours,
Against their fierce hostility,
I bind to me these holy powers.

Against all Satan's spells and wiles,
Against false words of heresy,
Against the knowledge that defiles,
Against the heart's idolatry,
Against the wizard's evil craft,
Against the death wound and the burning,
The choking wave and the poisoned shaft,
Protect me, Christ, till Thy returning.

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.

Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself the Name,
The strong Name of the Trinity;
By invocation of the same.

The Three in One, and One in Three,
Of Whom all nature hath creation,
Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
Praise to the Lord of my salvation,
Salvation is of Christ the Lord.

-- St. Patrick of Ireland

A few thoughts . . .

A friend of mine recently introduced me to the writings of Mark Batterson. Mr. Batterson is the pastor of National Community Church in Washington, D.C. He has also written numerous books on living the Christian life. One of those books is Soulprint: Discovering Your Divine Destiny. Given the things that God is doing in my life right now, I picked up this book and have been amazed at the insight and helpful thoughts it contains. Here are a couple of quotations that I hope bless you as much as they have blessed me.

[W]hat we think of as the goal isn't really the goal.  The goal is not accomplishing the dream God has given to you. The dream is a secondary issue. The primary issue is who you become in the process. We fixate on what and when and where. God's primary concern is always who. And He won't get you where He wants you to go until you become who He wants you to be. ...

Sometimes you have to die to the dream God has given you so that God can resurrect the dream in its glorified form. And by glorified form, I simply mean pursuing the dream for God's glory. When you stop living for selfish purposes, the pressure comes off. And that's when your destiny comes into focus. ...

No one likes to be embarrassed. In fact, we do everything within our power to avoid embarrassment at all costs. But we need to be embarrassed for the same reason we need to fail: it keeps us humble. And humility is the key to fulfilling our destiny. The longer I live and lead, the more convinced I am of this simple truth: God doesn't do what God does because of us. God does what God does in spite of us. All we have to do is stay out of the way. And the way we stay out of the way is by staying humble. If we stay humble, there is nothing God cannot do in us and through us. And nothing expands our capacity for humility like embarrassment. If handled properly, a healthy dose of embarrassment is good for us. Embarrassing moments are like spiritual antioxidants. They purge the ego of prideful impurities. ...

Too many people live as if the purpose of life is to avoid embarrassment at all costs. They never put themselves in situations that might be awkward. So they forfeit joy. They never reveal who they really are. So they forfeit intimacy. They never take risks. So they forfeit opportunity.

I highly recommend this book if you are searching for your own divine destiny.

 

A Great-Grandmother's Prayer

Yesterday, my grandmother gave me a framed photo-set of me as a baby. I was confused by this until she told me to look on the back.

This is what my great-grandmother (Grandma's mother) had written on the back:

"Dear Lord, help little Erin to have good discipline, and to receive it, and God bless this family, Lord, that little Erin may yield to the convicting power of the Holy Spirit when she gets old enough to understand right from wrong and accept Jesus as her Savior.  And that she will be sanctified wholly and live a consecrated and dedicated life for Christ.  Give her a passion for lost souls. Help her to honor hr mom and dad that she may live long on the Earth if Jesus tarries.  This is my prayer for sweet little Erin." -- Grandma Hanson

It's humbling to read something written about and for me long before I was conscious of the world. It's amazing to think of this hidden prayer committed to writing and undiscovered until someone took the photos down. The love and faith that shines through an elderly woman's myopic scrawl just leaves me speechless.

Happy New Year, or Why I Don’t Go Out on Halloween

Today is Samhain, Celtic New Year. Today is the day when the veil between the worlds is thinnest, permitting spirits to cross back over into our world, and permitting unwary souls to wander from this world into Faerie. Tonight, in the Druidic tradition, all the hearth fires would be extinguished, then relit from the bonfire lit by the king and blessed by his Druids.

Or so we think. No one really knows, because the Druids died out long ago, when Christianity came to the Emerald Isle. I’ve seen conflicting sources about what day Samhain actually is – some say All Hallow’s Eve (October 31), some say All Saints’ Day (November 1), some say Dia de los Muertos (November 2). I suspect that the ancient Druidic observance of Samhain had more to do with the cycle of the moon and the seasons than it was tied to an actual calendar day, but that’s just my theory.

On a more intimate note, today is my personal New Year’s Eve. Because I was born on All Saints’ Day, around Samhain and Dia de los Muertos, this time of year is deeply meaningful to me. Today is the day I contemplate the year gone by, and what I want to accomplish in the year ahead. Samhain just gives me an external justification for my intuition that the year is winding down and the new one is just ahead. My heritage is mostly Celtic, which justifies the emotional attachment to Celtic New Year, and I grew up in an area with a large Mexican population, so Dia de los Muertos also has some emotional significance, although I have never observed those traditions.

Regardless, most people seem to accept the idea that this particular night is special. Secular America has de-emphasized the supernatural elements and significance, by focusing on candy and fun costumes and silliness. Those things are fine and dandy as far as they go, but for me it is important to remember that there is more in the universe than our five senses can perceive. And that this night of any night, there is more supernatural activity than usual.

How do I know? I can feel it. I started feeling it last night. It was not quite 11:00 p.m. when I stopped at a red light and looked out over the hills of north Austin. I could see a lot of traffic, and suddenly I could feel a restlessness in the night air. I prayed for God’s protection of the city and its population.

Looking back on my childhood, I realize that I’ve always been able to feel the otherworldly atmosphere on Halloween. It scares me, because all of the spirits I’ve ever felt have been malevolent.

One Halloween when I was in college, I was at campus late and decided that rather than driving home, I’d go to a friend’s house. She worked nights and left a key for me outside her door. I was welcome any time. So I went over there around midnight. The moon was high and almost full, but her yard was peculiarly dark. I was uncomfortable as I walked from the car to the front door, and I could not find the rock where she had hidden the key. I stood there in the yard for a moment, and could feel hate focused on me from all directions. It was oppressive and momentarily paralyzing. Suddenly I couldn’t stand to be there another minute, so I rushed back to my car and went home.

I am not afraid of the Evil One. Neither he nor his servants have power over me, because my soul belongs to the Creator. But I will not expose myself to their hatred and malevolent intent, either. I stay at home on Halloween, safe in the protection of my God’s love and power.

Tonight the veil is thin, my friends. Be careful, be vigilant, and do not let yourselves be led astray. I pray that God will keep you safe from harm, and that the coming year will overflow with blessing.