Real Man, Real Genius

So I was rewriting my List of Necessary Attributes in a Man, as you do when you suffer from POMS,* and I realized that all these years, I've left out one very necessary attribute: The ability to quote the movie Real Genius at appropriate moments. If the following conversation occurs, then I've finally met The One:

He: If there's ever anything I can do for you, or more to the point, to you, just let me know.
Me: Can you hammer a nail through a six-inch board with your penis?
He: Not right now.
Me: A girl's gotta have her standards.

You see, a man who can go through that entire scene with the right attitude - well, that right there is what we Texas girls call A Keeper.









*Permanent Old Maid Syndrome. POMS is an all-too-common condition that strikes a woman who has reached the age of 35 without ever being married. It consists of three or more of the following symptoms:

- A plenitude of cats;
- A lack of a social life ("social life" here defined as three or more non-work-related outings with other human beings per week and/or at least two romantic outings per week);
- Thorough knowledge of Doctor Who, the works of Jane Austen, and/or the works of Charlotte Bronte;
- Virginity, whether actual or technical;
- An inability to compromise social or moral standards for the sake of marital status;
- An inability to disguise or abandon intellect for the sake of marital status; and
- The ability to establish and maintain self-identity without the approval of others.

POMS can only be self-diagnosed. It can never be diagnosed for another woman, and it never occurs prior to the age of 35, but its onset can be later in life.